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Have You Ever…

…happily helped a stranger with directions, then 10 seconds after he drives away realized, “Oh shit, I told him the wrong way.”

…walked out of the 7-11 with your big gulp, got to your car and thought, “Oh shit, I forgot to stop at the cash register on the way out.” (well I was very stressed out at the time – fortunately they knew me as a regular – when I walked back in and asked like a dimwit, “Guys, did I pay for this?” They were very nice about it, and although I don’t speak Hindi, I am sure they were saying to each other, “That is what drugs do to you.”)

…told someone they were in your dream last night, then when they asked, “What was I doing?” you suddenly realized you couldn’t possibly repeat it…quick fix: “Oh I don’t remember, you were just in it” – much better than, “Oh you were dead and I was at your funeral and then someone fell into your grave and it started raining…”

…answered a question in your head outloud. In public. Then realized you sounded like a nutbag (obligatory clearing of throat, saying something else to try to cover it up, and actually making yourself sound even more like you are receiving radio messages in your brain).

…been on a bus in a foreign country and realized the driver was passing up your stop but you forget the word for “stop” so you just blurt out whatever you can remember, which turns out to be their word for “help” and gets you all kinds of weird stares.
(I also remember an Italian woman in Florence who missed her stop and called out, “Maria, Jesus, e tutti i santi!” Very dramatic in Italy.)

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